Reality my friends....is NEVER this pretty?

One of the more famous shots...she makes it look so fun...with this coy look as if to say "whoops...I can't believe this happened...".  At least she still looks beautiful and sexy...let me tell you how this really happens...in reality...

You are walking down a crowded, D.C. street on a muggy Saturday.  Just finished some shopping so your hands are full.  You look around...taking in all the sights and sounds...you glance in at the restaurant you are passing filled with customers all escaping the heat for an afternoon snack...when all of a sudden....WHOOOOOSH...suddenly an enormous gust of air rushes up from a vent that you didn't know you were walking on and instead of people...and the restaurant...all you see is the hem of your skirt.

You try not panic and make more of a scene...even though the thought of your frilly unmentionables on display for all to see consumes your thoughts.  You speed up and try to make it past the vent only to find that the vent goes on for half a block!  You try to push your skirt down...sadly it won't stay down because of the constant whips of air escaping the vents below...let alone the fact that your hands are full from the days activities.  Finally you get your senses together and realize that if you merely take one step to the left you will no longer be standing over the vent.  You try to go on walking as normal...fight the urge to put your head down and escape the scene of your embarrassing display...maybe even chuckle a bit to act like it was no big deal... you have to hold on to the shreds of dignity you have left.

Now this experience...purely fictional...taught me a few valuable lessons:

1. When walking down a street in D.C. PAY ATTENTION...you never know what exciting situations may confront you!
2. Put weights in the hem of your skirts...
3. Wear very large sunglasses so people can't actually see your face and be able to identify you later as the flasher...
4. Last but not least...even though my good friend Marilyn could pull it off...she had a crew setting things up to make everything perfect...REALITY...where there are no crews preparing us for such situations is UGLY...you can even ask those poor people in the restaurant.

Alright everyone...stay calm...now's not the time to lose our heads!!!!

So I am sitting in the the office the other week and receive the following e-mail:

Building Security has advised that the police have secured our building so that you cannot exit the building.  We do not know the nature of the situation and will provide more information when we receive it.  They will give us word if we need to take any other action.

uhh....words like "police" and followed by "secured" or "situation" never bring warm fuzzies...in fact those are the types of things you only want to hear on t.v....again....the first thing I think of is...there's a shooter on the loose!  (don't know what it is with me and my fear of being shot....) I never heard anything again for the rest of the afternoon....

I found out the next day it was a bomb threat....no biggy

Human Trafficking...it's a dirty business

D.C. comes ALIVE after five o'clock!  It is no wonder...the work day has come to an end and people emerge from their cold sterile cubicles into the streets, eager to leave the office behind and enjoy a night of freedom and leisure.  But, before one can embark on such a night...one has to bravely go where WAY too many have gone before...underneath the city's streets through dirty tunnels and passages...and cram onto germ-infested trains..stuffed with hundreds of other humans all desperate to get out of dodge!

Thousands of people pour into each station completely filling the platforms and every available space.  There are no lines...no sense of order.  People slowly squish closer and closer as the trains arrive trying to maneuver themselves in such a way guaranteeing they are the FIRST to get on.  I can't help but chuckle as I see grown men and woman running full boar (bodies, bags, briefcases, flying everywhere) trying to make it on the train...( "Hurry!!!! It's the last train out of Nam!!!!") only to then have the doors shut right before they make it..."NO" they yell...hand out dramatically...watching their train pull away.  And they are left, dejected, heaving from their physical exertion...for another 2 minutes...until the next train comes.

As devastating as it is to wait for two more minutes for the next train...it doesn't necessarily get any better once you make it on the train.  You are literally swept (it is either that or get trampled) onto the train as if caught in a river's current.  And just like a river's current does not ebb or change course when there is an object in its path...neither does the flow of "human debris" pouring onto the metro trains...pushing anyone standing in its path aside.  Once the car has been packed so tightly that the doors can barely close, it departs.  With every bump, turn, push on the break some part of you collides with some part of several other people...all the while trying to never make eye contact pretending you don't seem to notice.  Sometimes I wonder if there are cameras set up and the drivers make it as bumpy and jerky as possible just to see the awkwardness that ensues.  There was one ride in particular that no matter how I situated myself my posterior was smashed against the man behind me...I wanted to turn around and say..."what can I say...it's my best side"...but figured drawing more attention to the fact that my behind was "all up in his grill" would only make it more awkward.

Some of my favorite metro trips have included some woman preaching to the whole car that she was in hell and God saved her.  Let's just say...she had a LOT of passion.  Or, the time when, as usual...the train was overcrowded and this elderly Asian woman sitting down was reading her newspaper, and the backpack of the girl standing in front of her kept brushing her newspaper.  I watched as she continued to get more and more irritated until she started hitting the girl's backpack with her newspaper!  I have seen a number of uses for newspapers in my day i.e. wrapping for glass items, paper machete projects, fire starter, bedding for the homeless, spit wads, heaven forbid....reading, and even toilet paper...guess I have one more to add to the list.

Lessons Learned

These last few weeks starting my new life in a big city...has taught me a LOT... 

• If I had no source of Divine help and my life was left completely up to me...it would be a MESS!!!
• There is no point in trying to do your hair...because within 5 minutes it has wilted
• Always take something to read on the metro...it makes you look more intelligent...and gives you something to do
• Take a seperate pair of comfy shoes to wear to and from work...cuts down on the blisters
• Don't smile at everyone you see on the street...some men will take it the wrong way...
• This is not Utah...everything is more... colorful: the faces...the language...the styles...

One of my favorite lessons:

This last week I went through the self-checkout lane at Giant (don't know why...I hate them) and forgot that I requested $20 cash back.  Luckily Annette was in the next lane...so while I helped her another man came through my lane and asked me if I had used that lane.  Confused...I asnwered, "Yes". 

He smiled and help up the $20 bill!  After thanking him over and over he said, "I just wanted to show you that there are some honest people left in this world."

It doesn't matter where you live...what the crime rate is...there are good people everywhere...thank heaven for that!

Now that is what I call Ironic...

So....I left my phone on a bench at a bus stop....shocker... I didn't realize it until several stops later...panicked...got off the bus and ran (skirt, dress shoes, purse...ALL flying and bouncing about) down several blocks of Crystal City back to the bus stop.  I arrived back at the bench only to find my phone in the hands of some young thug...who honestly looked like a member of a gang...remember those fears I had of getting shot...yeah...well...so did I...

What was I supposed to do???  You know what they say...."Desperate times..." I stand up straight...square my shoulders, boldly march up to him with the most intimidating look I could muster...hand out..."Can I have my phone?"...trying to keep my voice steady.  He looked up at me surprised...then with a disapointed smile handed it over!!! 

That is RIGHT!  "Look at me and my BAD SELF!!" 

Now in my attempt to learn from my past mistakes and prevent future ones (cause I know that it was an act of divine intervention that things turned out the way they did)  I am not only scatter brained...but PARANOID!  I check to make sure I have my phone...keys....or wallet...every 10-15 minutes!  I look like a complete idiot as I suddenly stop wherever I am...sidewalk...metro platform...etc...and pat myself down or look through my purse just to make sure I didn't leave/lose anything....because let's be honest...I don't have the best track record...

MY POOR NERVES

I have always felt like I have had a pretty good grasp on my life... I am usually organized... have a sharp memory....etc.  I remember growing up...watching friends or family who seemed so scattered and spacey, constantly losing this or that...I could NOT understand.

Well...in the last year...I HAVE BECOME THAT PERSON!!!  I don't know if it is the stress...or premature senility setting in...but I feel like my attempt to keep that same "grasp" on my life has become a big joke...almost like convincing myself I can still do the splits...embarrassing...and VERY painful. 

I am only in my mid twenties for heavens sake!  Shouldn't this be the time when I am mentally and physically at the top of my game???  I am too young to be feeling this old!  And it will only get worse.....PANIC!!!!

Keys...phone...debit card...all VERY important...and for some reason I never seem to have them ALL at the same time.  At least one is ALWAYS missing...then the minute I find it....I lose one of the other items.  Something is seriously wrong...(I blame it on a curse...that means it is out of my control...right???)  I went several months unable to find my debit card earlier this year only to find it under one of the couch cushions...and the NEXT day....what happens?  My phone went missing...for several weeks....

Now I find myself....scatter-brained and all...in Washington D.C....anyone else a little nervous???

So far...nothing disastrous...or at least nothing I couldn't handle.....

Washington D.C. - The Next Chapter

 It all began Memorial Day 2010...as we were frantically stuffing the remaining boxes etc. in every available space left in the car and moving van.  Packing finished, it was time for goodbye.  I don't know if it was because Aunt KLynn was so emotional and I can't help but cry when other people do, or if the reality of what I was about to do began to set it...either way...I found myself unable to hold back my sobs as I went down the line and said goodbye to my family.

 Although I have lived away from home for five years, this goodbye seemed different...I knew that I wasn't just saying goodbye to my family...but to a wonderful chapter of my life...a chapter that had been filled with trips home for the weekend to help mom with whatever event or project she would be working on (Women's Conf., home make-overs, canning, reunions etc.), family vacations, late night talks with mom and dad, pillow talk and being immature with Melissa, general conference...when all the family and friends come into town, birthdays, most holidays, weddings, and the many family gatherings and activities.

Let's be honest here...this is what was really going through my head...

WAIT...why am I moving to the next chapter???? I like this one!!!!  WHY did I ever say I wanted this???  I am so STUPID!!!  I don't even have a job...I will probably end up begging on the street...and if I have to spend that much time on the streets I am definitely going to get mugged and killed...I don't have a car...so I will get lost on the streets of D.C....probably at night...yep...I am going to get shot...FOR SURE....I have practically NO money...so when they mug me they will only get angry and THEN kill me...and I don't have ANY friends in D.C....NO ONE will notice if I am dead...and I will just lie there in the streets...dead and alone...

I DON'T WANT TO GROW UP!!!! 

WHY am I doing this again??? Is it too late to change my mind???

...whimper....whipmer....sniff....ahem...pulling myself together

Goodbyes having been said...it was time to leave.  There we were, three ladies stuffed in the cab of a 14 foot moving van with only two bucket seats...YES...I rode all the way across the country on a broken camping chair...now THAT is what I call a ROAD TRIP!!!!  It was definatley memorable...from the beautiful mountains (I can say that cause I had PLENTY of time to admire them...due to the fact that the truck could barely go 20 mph depending on the slope...one particular stretch we couldn't get over 10 mph...semi truckes were literally ZOOMING past...) to the beautiful green plains of Nebraska...and Iowa...and Missouri...and Indiana...(sick of the plains yet...me too...).  Finally in Ohio the plains turned into beautiful, densely wooded, rolling hills.  It only continued to get more and more beautiful the further east we traveled.

Finally...after four LONG days of fast food, endless road kill, swollen feet, hours of staring out the window, gas station bathrooms, a flat trailer tire, and sitting in a broken camp chair...we pulled into Virginia...my beautiful new home.  Suddenly the fear of being so far away from my family, the unknown, and getting shot vanished...in its place...a nervous excitement for the future...a future that lay completely in my hands...to make of it what I will...thus beginning a NEW chapter in the life of one Whitney Hunsaker...