So I was on my way to meet my roommate for lunch last week and a woman, not a few steps away from me, suddenly tripped only to find herself sprawled across the pavement of the busy sidewalk at Dupont Circle. Not only did the events that led to her dramatic spill draw much attention, to make matters worse....her slinky above-the-knee length dress bounced up and settled on her back revealing what should have been her posterior covered with some sort of "frilly unmentionables".
Now I can totally sympathize with this situation...having recently exposed my own frilly unmentionables for all to see while standing over a city vent on a busy street....she took it to a whole new level. After her body came to a skidding halt I suddenly realized that she had the behind alright....without any semblance of frilly anythings....I was so surprised in fact that....I have to admit...I jerked around....eyes the size of saucers...to make sure I wasn't imagining things....
Sure enough....there she was laying on the sidewalk bare bum for all to see. What made it worse was that the shock and scrapes that accompanied the fall consumed her attention for the first few minutes...making her in no hurry to get up...let alone realize how exposed the was and pull her skirt down.
Let this be a lesson to all you commando-going lovers out there...yes... you may think it your personal right...as much as I cannot relate to, and happen to think it unsanitary and just plain gross...Please....please....PLEASE make it so that WHATEVER happens....it STAYS personal! Don't punish me for you life choices!!!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
"Where have all the YOUNG men gone.....LONG time passing..."
Not a huge fan of this dated tune, but....one has to admit it asks some very hard questions....
questions that have been flooding my mind since my arrival to what I thought would be the "Mecca" for attractive, single, successful young LDS men...a proverbial "field...white, all ready to harvest...."
Oh...I have definitely found those white fields...a little too white....
The man (40s) who hands me my newspaper every day as I exit the metro....he looks me up and down and won't give me the newspaper until he has time to give me a compliment about how beautiful I look....nice...but weird.
The man (50s) at Au bon Pain (cafe) on the corner...where I USED to get an occasional bagel or cup of fruit in the morning. I think it took him several minutes to count my change in between the winks and pick up lines he was slathering on me......so much for breakfast.....
Or there is the guy at work who is about my dad's age....which no offense poppa...but....having a man your age hit on me just plain FREAKS me out! The fact that he is married makes it even worse....woof!
Or the squirly, white, nerdy man (30s) who actually smooched his lips at me as he was exiting the metro....I think my jaw dropped....
The crowning jewel in my list of the unwanted admirers....was the CHICK...yes....GIRL... at Cosi (my lunch spot) who came on to me as she was ringing me up! I was so flustered...trying to get away as quickly as I could that I literally dropped everything I was carrying....lunch and all....on the floor!
This brings me back to where I started...with the age-old...poignant question....
"WHERE have all the YOUNG men gone? LONG time passing...."
questions that have been flooding my mind since my arrival to what I thought would be the "Mecca" for attractive, single, successful young LDS men...a proverbial "field...white, all ready to harvest...."
Oh...I have definitely found those white fields...a little too white....
The man (40s) who hands me my newspaper every day as I exit the metro....he looks me up and down and won't give me the newspaper until he has time to give me a compliment about how beautiful I look....nice...but weird.
The man (50s) at Au bon Pain (cafe) on the corner...where I USED to get an occasional bagel or cup of fruit in the morning. I think it took him several minutes to count my change in between the winks and pick up lines he was slathering on me......so much for breakfast.....
Or there is the guy at work who is about my dad's age....which no offense poppa...but....having a man your age hit on me just plain FREAKS me out! The fact that he is married makes it even worse....woof!
Or the squirly, white, nerdy man (30s) who actually smooched his lips at me as he was exiting the metro....I think my jaw dropped....
The crowning jewel in my list of the unwanted admirers....was the CHICK...yes....GIRL... at Cosi (my lunch spot) who came on to me as she was ringing me up! I was so flustered...trying to get away as quickly as I could that I literally dropped everything I was carrying....lunch and all....on the floor!
This brings me back to where I started...with the age-old...poignant question....
"WHERE have all the YOUNG men gone? LONG time passing...."
I blame Jane Austen....
Sometimes I am amazed at how I survive on my own...in a big city....
My commute each day consists of a bus ride to the Pentagon where I catch the metro into downtown. It has been a fairly easy process and has quickly become a routine... so much so that I don't have to think about it anymore....or so I thought.
A few weeks ago I am waiting for the bus home from the Pentagon...and am engrossed in Jane Austen (can you blame me?) and I see the green ART bus pull up and looked up to see that it was #87 which is my bus.
I did not recognize the bus driver....and I know all the bus drivers for my route..RED FLAG #1: ..but did I question....NO....he must be new right? So I show him my apt ID (I get free rides through my apt complex)....and he gives me this really confused look...RED FLAG #2....but neither of us say anything...of course...and he just waves me on. A minute or two before the bus pulls away I notice the bus driver talking to a few people outside and I think that I recognize a few as people who usually ride my bus...RED FLAG #3 ...hmmmm...that's weird...back to Jane Austen.....Captain Wentworth....yummm
when....
I look up and notice that instead of continuing into town....the bus is getting on the freeway..
RED FLAG #4.......aka the "Past the point of NO return" flag.... or the "you're so dumb...how many red flags do you need!" flag....
...it is then that I finally pull myself from the pages of "Persuasion" and the dreadful truth sets in.... I am on the wrong bus...the 87 Xpress....and I have absolutely NO clue where I am going to end up! I try to stay calm as we zoom past my apartment complex on the 395 toward Richmond. After five minutes or so we get off the freeway and I am frozen...trying to look calm and collected on the outside...while panicking and cursing Jane Austen in my head.
What do I do? Stay on for the whole route until it goes back to the pentagon? That would take hours! What if I get off and catch the 87Xpress that is going in the opposite direction back to the pentagon?
I am going through different scenarios in my head when I realize that the further I go, the more lost and disoriented I will become....if I am going to act....I need to act now! Before I knew it....I find myself jumping off at the next stop. As the bus pulls away...I am left speechless as I take in my surroundings.
There I am in a run-down graffiti covered part of town...the apts and buildings have bars on the windows...and I quickly realize that not only am I the only woman in sight....but the only white person as well.
I am going to die!!!!!! and all because of Jane Austen!
I cross the street to wait for the next bus which according to the schedule wasn't due for another 20 minutes. A lot can happen in 20 minutes....I mean....let's be honest....I watch CSI...20 minutes could be the difference between life and death....
So...what do I do? I start walking. I walk back the way the bus came....figuring if anything, I will be walking along the bus route and can get on when it comes but won't have to wait at a stop like a sitting duck. I remember mom telling me that if I am walking alone to "walk with a purpose" and to not look like easy prey....I had to remind myself that she used the word "walk" and not "run" as I passed bar after bar...with groups of sloshed men gathered outside and rundown warehouses.
I don't think I have ever "walked" so fast or with so much "purpose" in my life...
Almost an hour later...I found this path that led under the freeway and back into a nearby neighborhood and eventually.... I made it home in one piece. I walked in...happier than ever to be home! I sat down, tried to calm my "poor nerves" and mend my ragged confidence....and put my Jane Austen aside as punishment for all the misheif she had caused....
My commute each day consists of a bus ride to the Pentagon where I catch the metro into downtown. It has been a fairly easy process and has quickly become a routine... so much so that I don't have to think about it anymore....or so I thought.
A few weeks ago I am waiting for the bus home from the Pentagon...and am engrossed in Jane Austen (can you blame me?) and I see the green ART bus pull up and looked up to see that it was #87 which is my bus.
I did not recognize the bus driver....and I know all the bus drivers for my route..RED FLAG #1: ..but did I question....NO....he must be new right? So I show him my apt ID (I get free rides through my apt complex)....and he gives me this really confused look...RED FLAG #2....but neither of us say anything...of course...and he just waves me on. A minute or two before the bus pulls away I notice the bus driver talking to a few people outside and I think that I recognize a few as people who usually ride my bus...RED FLAG #3 ...hmmmm...that's weird...back to Jane Austen.....Captain Wentworth....yummm
when....
I look up and notice that instead of continuing into town....the bus is getting on the freeway..
RED FLAG #4.......aka the "Past the point of NO return" flag.... or the "you're so dumb...how many red flags do you need!" flag....
...it is then that I finally pull myself from the pages of "Persuasion" and the dreadful truth sets in.... I am on the wrong bus...the 87 Xpress....and I have absolutely NO clue where I am going to end up! I try to stay calm as we zoom past my apartment complex on the 395 toward Richmond. After five minutes or so we get off the freeway and I am frozen...trying to look calm and collected on the outside...while panicking and cursing Jane Austen in my head.
What do I do? Stay on for the whole route until it goes back to the pentagon? That would take hours! What if I get off and catch the 87Xpress that is going in the opposite direction back to the pentagon?
I am going through different scenarios in my head when I realize that the further I go, the more lost and disoriented I will become....if I am going to act....I need to act now! Before I knew it....I find myself jumping off at the next stop. As the bus pulls away...I am left speechless as I take in my surroundings.
There I am in a run-down graffiti covered part of town...the apts and buildings have bars on the windows...and I quickly realize that not only am I the only woman in sight....but the only white person as well.
I am going to die!!!!!! and all because of Jane Austen!
I cross the street to wait for the next bus which according to the schedule wasn't due for another 20 minutes. A lot can happen in 20 minutes....I mean....let's be honest....I watch CSI...20 minutes could be the difference between life and death....
So...what do I do? I start walking. I walk back the way the bus came....figuring if anything, I will be walking along the bus route and can get on when it comes but won't have to wait at a stop like a sitting duck. I remember mom telling me that if I am walking alone to "walk with a purpose" and to not look like easy prey....I had to remind myself that she used the word "walk" and not "run" as I passed bar after bar...with groups of sloshed men gathered outside and rundown warehouses.
I don't think I have ever "walked" so fast or with so much "purpose" in my life...
Almost an hour later...I found this path that led under the freeway and back into a nearby neighborhood and eventually.... I made it home in one piece. I walked in...happier than ever to be home! I sat down, tried to calm my "poor nerves" and mend my ragged confidence....and put my Jane Austen aside as punishment for all the misheif she had caused....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
